


Love and Compassion

by barrisscoffees



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: AU in so as far as AU where Dave Filoni let two women be friends, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-15 01:39:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11795772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barrisscoffees/pseuds/barrisscoffees
Summary: That Bonteri was all together, too much of a nuisance.





	Love and Compassion

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Femslash Week Day One!

Ahsoka couldn’t help but think the wilderness of Onderon was beautiful. Perhaps it wasn’t exceedingly colorful or particularly glamorous, but it’s large trees and their drooping leaves lent a sensation of smallness that Ahsoka sometimes needed to feel. It was nice to feel as if, for once, she didn’t need to be larger than life - there was none of that empty space that she, as a _Jedi_ , was expected to fill.

Her fingers curled tighter around her metal tray. At an empty table across the clearing, sat Steela. Ahsoka made her way over.

////

“Hey.” Ahsoka placed her tray on the table and gestured to the seat next to Steela, “Can I sit?” Steela blinked in surprise but gestured for Ahsoka to sit.

“I don’t know what you Jedi are used to at your temple are used to eating, but I’m sure this can’t be better.” Steela deadpanned, but much to her surprise, Ahsoka laughed.

“No, this _is_ actually better. The Jedi are expected to live an ascetic lifestyle.” Steela stared quietly at Ahsoka, who stabbed her fruit-blob and added, bitterly, “A life without _pleasure_.”

“I’m sorry.” Steela said, awkwardly. She really did mean it; she personally couldn’t imagine a life where she was expected to give everything and never once allowed to enjoy something for herself. In what world was the bitter, gray, rationed food of the rebels better than what the Jedi, in the lap of luxury, ate? Ahsoka speared a piece of the fruit and brought it up to her mouth before pausing and pulling it away, alarmed.

“I can’t believe I almost forgot.” She muttered in good humor.

“Oh.” Steela replied, amused, “Togruta can’t eat fruit can they?” Ahsoka grinned at her, shaking her head. (Steela’s heart skipped a beat)

“No, but it’s all they had left. I figured I might be able to trade with somebody.” Steela glanced down at her own plate of meat that she had barely touched.

“Here,” she slid it over, “take mine.”

The two girls ate in silence until Ahsoka looked up and groaned audibly. When Steela looked up, she could see why.

“Don’t you like him?” Steela asked, bemused.

“Lux?” Ahsoka gave a startled laugh, “No. Last time I was around him he tried to pretend we were engaged and once just grabbed me and _kissed_ me.”

“Carlac?”

“Carlac.” Ahsoka confirmed, “No. I was just-” (She stopped short of saying ‘jealous’ because then the conversation would turn to ‘jealous of whom’ and Ahsoka most definitely did not have a crush on the aquamarine-eyed rebel next to her.)

“Yeah. I’m not to big of a fan either - Oh god. Hi, Lux!” Steela said, as Lux settled in across from them.

“Hi. I hope I’m not interrupting anything. Not talking about me, were you?” Steela exchanged an exasperated glance with Ahsoka while Lux was busy smiling at his own joke. Steela wasn’t quite sure how to respond, but she caught a glimpse of Ahsoka’s hand twisting under the table, and several boxes toppled over across the clearing.

“That sounds bad.” Ahsoka said, “I’ll go check it out. Steela, you coming?” Steela jumped to her feet, relieved.

“Of course.”

“I can help too!” Lux tried, but Ahsoka just patted his shoulder, already walking away.

“It’s okay, Bonteri, we can handle this. You eat.”

////

Behind the stacks, Steela sighed in relief; Ahsoka waved off her thanks.

“I think,” she said, voice bordering on incredulity, “that Lux thinks we’re fighting over him. Can’t he take a hint?” Steela shrugged and tapped her fingers along one of the boxes.

“I have an idea,” Steela said finally, “to get Lux off our backs.”

////

“Lux.” Ahsoka said, seriously, as she and Steela sat back down, “We need your help.”

“With the boxes?” Lux glanced back, “Okay.”

“No, not to boxes - they were just badly stacked.” Steela cut in. “This is something much more serious.” She paused. “As you may have noticed, Ahsoka and I have… hit it off.” Lux stared in confusion as, on top of the table, Steela’s hand inched under Ahsoka’s.

“As I’m sure you know, attachment is banned by the Jedi Code.” Ahsoka said, fighting down the tingle she felt at Steela’s touch, “We need your help to make sure my master doesn’t find out.”

“Uh - wuh - uh what can I do?” Lux, flubbed.

“Well you have to pretend you think we like you, and then I will reject you so my master is convinced I’m not going to get distracted. He already thinks I was looking at you all this time instead of, well…” Ahsoka gave Steela her very best dreamy smile.

“I’m - uh… okay.” Lux stood shakily, made his excuses, and bolted. As soon as he left Steela dropped Ahsoka’s hand and laughed.

“That’s amazing.”

“Totally.” Ahsoka replied weakly.

////

It didn’t take much to convince Lux she and Steela were dating - he would catch them at odd times, passing moony glances, and Ahsoka would always make sure she and Steela were paired off, but it was one particular instance that had sold the whole thing.

She and Steela had been sitting alone - the two had definitely become good friends - just talking, when Lux walked by. Ahsoka, panicked, reached out and pulled Steela’s face slowly towards hers. When their lips touched, Ahsoka swore fireworks exploded in her stomach. She held Steela’s face gently as she could while Steela ran her thumb along her cheek. When Lux departed, Steela pulled away.

But now, trying to sleep, Ahsoka couldn’t help but feel guilty. Was she not taking advantage of Steela? Knowing she liked her (which Ahsoka had finally accepted and was in vain trying to convince herself was a childish impulse which would fade and never again happen like a good Jedi), wasn’t kissing her selfish? Ahsoka could have done something else, but she didn’t. She had wanted to kiss Steela, so she did. What made her any better than Lux?

Restless, Ahsoka climbed to her feet and moved outside, lightsabers in hand.

////

She moved fluidly, silently. Steela watched from the shadows as Ahsoka moved through her exercise, arms bending and sweeping and blades highlighting her troubled expression. It might just have been the most beautiful thing Steela had ever seen. She wished she could have stayed there forever, but Ahsoka seemed to become aware of her presence, lowering her lightsabers and sweeping her eyes over Steela’s general direction.

“Trouble sleeping?” Steela asked, stepping out of the shadows. Ahsoka relaxed, but pulled away; she deactivated her lightsabers. Steela moved to sit on a flat rock and waved for Ahsoka to join her, “What is it?”

Ahsoka placed her lightsabers beside her and rubbed her arms awkwardly. Steela never thought she would see a Jedi this confused.

“I feel…” Ahsoka flexed her fists, looking terribly guilty, “I feel like I’ve been taking advantage of you.”

“What?” Steela asked, startled.

“Kissing you. I mean… It’s not like you… I… and you…” Ahsoka fumbled for words.

“I know what I signed up for, Ahsoka.” Steela touched her arm gently, “And I like you too.” Ahsoka’s head snapped up, and she stared, open mouthed, at Steela, “You’re not taking advantage of me both because I like you, and I know you like me and because I asked for this. It was my idea. You are not being predatory Ahsoka.” Ahsoka looked so relieved in that moment that Steela couldn’t help but laugh. She stroked the back of her hand against Ahsoka’s cheek.

In that moment, though she was no Jedi, Steela knew she and Ahsoka were thinking the same thing: maybe, just maybe, when this fight was over, when the war was over they could be together again and this time for real.

“Thank you, Steela.” Ahsoka whispered, cupping Steela’s hand in hers. Ahsoka left, leaving Steela alone with her rapidly beating heart and dreams for the future.

////

They never had the chance to talk again, Ahsoka realized dimly, as she stared down at Steela’s broken body. Not really. Her arms were trembling so badly she could hardly support herself; her eyes were swimming; her head was spinning; she couldn’t breathe. Lux dropped his gun and kneeled down to wrap his arm around her. Ahsoka had the wild idea to leap after her. _No._ She remembered, _You are needed here. Skyguy_ needs _you._

“Ahsoka,” Lux said, voice barely audible to Ahsoka, “Ahsoka I’m so sorry.”

“I promised her.” She whispered as Lux pulled her up, “I swore I had her. I let her down. She’s dead. It’s-”

“It’s not your fault.” Lux reassured her as he lead her to the ruping, “We all knew the risks. Steela would have been proud to have given her life for the Onderon’s freedom.”

Still, kind as they were, Lux’s words did nothing to fill the growing void in Ahsoka’s chest where her heart had been ripped out.

////

At the funeral, Lux was awkward around Ahsoka. When he spotted Anakin, he asked if she would like to reject him horribly in front of Anakin. Ahsoka was not sure if he was joking, but all she could picture was Steela’s reaction. She never did get to hear Steela’s laugh.

“No.” She told him, “That problem is gone now.”

////

Like all of Steela’s close friends - the ones still alive - Ahsoka got a private goodbye. She was the last to go in. The cold room felt so empty. It was incredible to Ahsoka that Steela could ever be in a room and not fill it - her vivacity and passion which burned so bright, snuffed.

Ahsoka sat next to the prone form.

“I can’t help but blame myself.” She told Steela, “I think Saw does too, but… no one blames us. No one thinks it’s our fault, and it makes it so much worse because that doesn’t make the guilt go away, it just means I’m the only one punishing myself for it. I’m so sorry Steela. This should have been your victory.” Ahsoka threw her head down next to Steela’s. Burning tears clogged her eyes, but she closed them and took a deep breath - immersed herself in the Force.

 _Breathe deep._ She reminded herself. _Be at peace._

“I am sorry, Steela. I’m sorry you could not see Onderon freed. I’m sorry we could not be together, but I will not blame myself for your death.” She decided, “You are at peace within the Force.”

 _And,_ she told herself, _I will carry with me your love for as long as I live. If not Onderon’s liberty,_ this _will be your legacy: love and compassion._

**Author's Note:**

> Continuity? Who is she? I have no idea when in the Onderon arc this takes place. Anyways, sorry I killed Steela.
> 
> And to clarify: to my wlw readers, your existence is not predatory, there is nothing wrong with feeling attraction to other women. I say this particularly because it was something I struggled with when I first realized I was bi.
> 
> Look, I'm clearly not Lug Spaghetti's biggest fan, but I do believe he would be compassionate enough not to be rude to Ahsoka after Steela died. Also I realize Ahsoka and Steela's plan is pretty terrible, but I lack inspiration
> 
> Anyways, thanks to all who review or leave kudos, you're the best!  
> Much love to thedorkyastra, and thanks to Edith, my good friend, my buddy, my homie.  
> Constructive criticism is always welcome!


End file.
